Silliness, part deux

Following are some definitions designed to make you smile:

Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.
Etc: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Divorce : Future tense of marriage.
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.
Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.

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Chairoplane

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

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Snailhouse

Esplanade: To attempt an explanation while drunk.   
Lymph:  To walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle: Olive-flavored mouthwash.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

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