Joan Mauch, Author
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Saturday Night and time to read the Obits

4/12/2015

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Every Saturday night as part of my job as a newspaper proofreader, I read the obituaries. Among the somber tributes, I occasionally find special gems and thought it would be fun to reprint excerpts from some actual obituaries I found online:
  • When his family was asked what they remembered about Fred, they fondly recalled how he never peed in the shower
  • She was known to selflessly give of her time by standing on her balcony yelling at kids for "playing that rap music" at all hours of the day and night
  • He was preceded in death by his tonsils and adenoids in 1935; a spinal disc in 1974; a large piece of his thyroid gland in 1988; and his prostate on March 27, 2000.
  • She will be remembered for her loyalty to Waffle House and her uncanny ability to usher family pets to heaven at "an unrivaled pace".
  • Two children resulted from that marriage: Due to multiple, anonymous Mother's Day cards which arrived each May, the children suspect there were other siblings but that has never been verified.
  • We were blessed to learn many valuable lessons during her 85 years among us: Never throw away old pantyhose. Use the old ones to tie gutters, child-proof cabinets, tie toilet flappers, or hang Christmas ornaments. Also: If a possum takes up residence in your shed, grab a barbecue brush to coax him out. If he doesn't leave, brush him for twenty minutes and let him stay.

I hope you got a few chuckles out of this and were inspired to do some creative writing of your own. Me? I think about it every Saturday night as I read the obits - and ponder what will be in mine.

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    LEON'S WALL was released June 30,2017. UNMASKING MISS JANE is the 2nd edition of THE MANGLED SPOON published in 2014. Her debut novel, HALIFAX, was originally published in  2013. Her fourth and fifth novels,  THE WATERKEEPER'S DAUGHTER and ESCAPE FROM AMBERGRIS CAYE were published in 2014 and 2016.  Excerpts of all five novels may be viewed under the "Home" tab. Check it out!

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