Every Saturday night as part of my job as a newspaper proofreader, I read the obituaries. Among the somber tributes, I occasionally find special gems and thought it would be fun to reprint excerpts from some actual obituaries I found online:
I hope you got a few chuckles out of this and were inspired to do some creative writing of your own. Me? I think about it every Saturday night as I read the obits - and ponder what will be in mine.
- When his family was asked what they remembered about Fred, they fondly recalled how he never peed in the shower
- She was known to selflessly give of her time by standing on her balcony yelling at kids for "playing that rap music" at all hours of the day and night
- He was preceded in death by his tonsils and adenoids in 1935; a spinal disc in 1974; a large piece of his thyroid gland in 1988; and his prostate on March 27, 2000.
- She will be remembered for her loyalty to Waffle House and her uncanny ability to usher family pets to heaven at "an unrivaled pace".
- Two children resulted from that marriage: Due to multiple, anonymous Mother's Day cards which arrived each May, the children suspect there were other siblings but that has never been verified.
- We were blessed to learn many valuable lessons during her 85 years among us: Never throw away old pantyhose. Use the old ones to tie gutters, child-proof cabinets, tie toilet flappers, or hang Christmas ornaments. Also: If a possum takes up residence in your shed, grab a barbecue brush to coax him out. If he doesn't leave, brush him for twenty minutes and let him stay.
I hope you got a few chuckles out of this and were inspired to do some creative writing of your own. Me? I think about it every Saturday night as I read the obits - and ponder what will be in mine.
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