Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
I'm leaving now to go find myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait.
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are OK, then it's you.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
To save money on electricity, we've turned off the light at the end of the tunnel.
If I traveled to the end of the rainbow as Dame Fortune intended, Murphy would be there to tell me the pot's at the other end.